Raising Little Leaders: 7 Habits of Happy Kids
Photo by Jojo Ward
It is safe to say that in the eyes of the general public, COVID-19 is no longer as scary as it once was. Don’t hear me wrong. People are still cautious. But in the words of my lovely wife (as we walked into Wal-mart last week), “It doesn’t feel like a pandemic anymore.”
The nation has relaxed significantly, lifting restrictions and allowing life to go “almost” back to normal. Some people say that this action is premature. Some say it’s foolish. And some say it should have happened earlier. There isn’t a shortage of opinions about how the coronavirus should have been handled during these times, but for this blog, I want to focus on one particular phrase or idea that I’ve read and heard a lot over the past few weeks. And that is the idea of the nation being under “poor leadership.”
Now, I’m a word person. It comes with being an author and storyteller. I understand that the heart of this argument is something along the lines of
The leaders in power are not making decisions with people’s lives valued above the economy.
I don’t like the leaders in power.
I don’t agree with the leaders in power.
Or somewhere in between all of that
(At least, that’s my understanding. Feel free to leave a comment if I’ve missed your heart on the matter). But even still! That’s not the point of this blog. The point of this blog is to be nit-picky about one simple word: leadership.
You see, as I really sat and thought about the state of the nation, and as I really reflected on the stark difference between this nation a month ago and the nation today, I realized that President Trump and all the others involved in lifting Georgia’s restrictions are not poor leaders. They are actually quite effective leaders! And why? Because people are following their agenda!
I’m sure that hit a sore spot in some of my readers, but hear me out. Whether you agree with the current federal and/or state administrative agendas or not, ask yourself, “Am I as strict about social distancing, shelter-in-place, wearing gloves, or other COVID-19 countermeasures as I was in March?” Maybe for you the answer to that question is “Yes.” But for me, it’s a hard no. When Governor Kemp issued a shelter-in-place for Georgia, my wife and I stocked up on food and DID NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE! Then, after about two weeks, to avoid going stir crazy, we purchased bikes and started riding on paved trails. And now that Georgia businesses have reopened, just yesterday, we drove to get snow cones, HEAVILY sanitized our hands, and enjoyed our frozen treats in the car… I know, right? We’re quite the rebels! HA!
But seriously, we would have never gone to a business or restaurant even two weeks ago, let alone touch something someone else had been handling. In full transparency, we believe that the government should have waited a little longer before reopening the nation, and yet here we are, eating snow cones from a reopened business. And it didn’t feel that dangerous. Why? What changed? Well, it’s like I said before. Whether you agree with the federal and/or state’s handling of the coronavirus, they have shown that they are in some degree effective leaders.
What is effective leadership?
A leader is quite simply a person who people follow or look to for guidance. But somewhere along the way, humanity has inserted the adjective “good” into that definition, i.e. a GOOD person who people follow or look to for guidance. Although this second definition is more than likely what we desire in our leaders, it is in fact incorrect.
Warren Bennis, a pioneer in leadership research, states that “leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality.” President Dwight D. Eisenhower said, “Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he [or she] wants to do it.” Notice how these two definitions from leadership experts include nothing about “goodness” or “positivity.” And that’s what I desire for you to see. Being a good leader does not mean being a good person. And this is also what I desire our kids to see. But we’ll get there in a second. This distinction needs some more examples!
Mind Tools, one of the world’s most popular digital career and management learning resources, lays out the four things needed for a person to be a transformational leader. Their team writes that transformational leaders are able to do four things (bolded in the following paragraphs):
Leaders must be able to create an inspiring vision of the future. The vision doesn’t need to be centered on love or equality. It just needs to be inspiring to some target audience. Take the Black Panther Party, founded in 1966 by Huey Newton and Bobby Seale. They started the organization as a challenge to police brutality against the African American community. HISTORY, a brand under the umbrella of A+E Networks—a global media brand devoted to cultural storytelling—stated on its site,
Newton and Seale outlined the organization’s philosophical views and political objectives in a Ten-Point Program. The Ten-Point Program called for an immediate end to police brutality; employment for African Americans; and land, housing and justice for all. The Black Panthers were part of the larger Black Power movement, which emphasized black pride, community control and unification for civil rights.
Some people view the Black Panther Party as revolutionaries in the Civil Rights Movement. Some see them as terrorists. Regardless, many—nearly two thousand black people across three states at the peak of the organization’s existence—viewed the Black Panther Party as a leader. Why? Well, for one, because of it had an inspiring vision.
Leaders must be able to motivate people to buy into and deliver the vision. When someone hears an inspiring message or receives an inspiring vision, it is only natural that they desire to share it with others. Like in the book of Matthew, when Jesus Christ healed two blind men. Matthew 9:27-31 reads,
As Jesus went on from there, two blind men followed Him, crying out, “Have mercy on us, Son of David!”
When He entered the house, the blind men came up to Him, and Jesus said to them, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” They said to Him, “Yes, Lord.”
Then He touched their eyes, saying, “It shall be done to you according to your faith.” And their eyes were opened. And Jesus sternly warned them: “See that no one knows about this!”
But they went out and spread the news about Him throughout all that land.
People! Jesus actually told them “Don’t tell anyone about this,” and they did anyway! Clearly the vision that they received was too good to keep to themselves, and they were motivated to deliver it throughout all of the land.
Leaders must be able to manage the delivery of the vision. When people start sharing a leader’s vision and message, a leader must know how to manage what’s being spread and keep it from evolving into a new wrong or alternative message. Adolf Hitler and the Nazi Party did an excellent job of this. The Holocaust Encyclopedia writes,
Following the Nazi seizure of power in 1933, Hitler established a Reich Ministry of Public Enlightenment and Propaganda headed by Joseph Goebbels. The Ministry's aim was to ensure that the Nazi message was successfully communicated through art, music, theater, films, books, radio, educational materials, and the press.
There were several audiences for Nazi propaganda. Germans were reminded of the struggle against foreign enemies and Jewish subversion. During periods preceding legislation or executive measures against Jews, propaganda campaigns created an atmosphere tolerant of violence against Jews, particularly in 1935 (before the Nuremberg Race Laws of September) and in 1938 (prior to the barrage of antisemitic economic legislation following Kristallnacht). Propaganda also encouraged passivity and acceptance of the impending measures against Jews, as these appeared to depict the Nazi government as stepping in and “restoring order.”
I don’t have to remind you that Hitler was a mad man with an absolutely evil agenda, but for most people, I do need to make the point that he was an effective leader with an evilly brilliant strategy for managing his message.
Leaders must be able to build ever-stronger, trust-based relationships with your people. Relationships can be founded upon a lot of things. However, trust must be at the center of a relationship between a leader and a follower. Mahatma Ghandi is a phenomenal example of a leader who did this well. Encyclopaedia Britannica states,
In the eyes of millions of his fellow Indians, Gandhi was the Mahatma (“Great Soul”). The unthinking adoration of the huge crowds that gathered to see him all along the route of his tours made them a severe ordeal; he could hardly work during the day or rest at night…
Gandhi won the affection and loyalty of gifted men and women, old and young, with vastly dissimilar talents and temperaments; of Europeans of every religious persuasion; and of Indians of almost every political line.
Gandhi’s tactics and beliefs were extreme, even for many of his Indian followers. However, his success was rooted not in his followers trusting his tactics and beliefs but in his followers trusting him.
Why your kids need to know the real definition of leadership
Hopefully, at this point, I’ve illustrated the importance of distinguishing between “your ideal leader” and “an effective leader.” But even if you still don’t see or agree with this distinction, keep reading. For your kids.
For your children and students, being able to communicate the nit-pickiness of this blog will be the difference between them having a positive worldview and them having a negative worldview.
Imagine your child observing Hitler promising a world in which he will erase an entire race of people from the planet by killing them. Imagine your child seeing Hitler’s followers and understanding that they want what he wants. Imagine your child not agreeing with Hitler and the Nazi party. And now, imagine your child wrestling internally with what is being promoted/accepted and what he knows is right. That internal conflict comes from your child believing, “People who have a following must be right.” It’s a false mindset, but it’s understandable. Some of us still deal with this mindset as adults. Think of it this way: “How many people would need to tell you your breath stinks for you to start believing them?” The more people that present negativity, the more likely you are to believe them.
Parents and teachers, it’s time that we begin using new language with ourselves and our children. It’s time that we begin teaching our children that all good leaders are not good people (and that all good people are not good leaders). And most of all, it’s time that we begin teaching our kids how to become the leaders that we want to see—effective leaders who are also moral people.
Leadership Principles for Kids
Fortunately, my other blogs and stories teach the character and moral-centered lessons that we all want our kids to know. That allows me to focus this blog specifically on leadership. And even more fortunately, I don’t have to do much work on this subject due to the work already being done by Stephen Covey—an American educator, author, businessman, and keynote speaker who devoted his life to teaching leadership principles to adults and children.
The following information was taken from a free PDF parent guide based on the The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey’s best-selling book and coaching program, and Leader in Me, Covey’s school-improvement model that empowers students with relevant and practical leadership and life skills. I’m excited to be able to dive into this subject.
What follows will be a brief overview of Covey’s 7 Habits, and then, over the next few weeks, I plan to go deeper on the habits to make them more accessible and applicable for you and your family. Please understand that I am not a sponsor for FranklinCovey Education nor do I own any of the rights to the below information regarding the 7 Habits. What is italicized below is taken from the PDF.
The Seven Habits of Happy Kids
Habit 1: Be Proactive
Be Proactive means to take responsibility for your choices and behaviors. Habit 1 is the key to all of the other habits; that’s why it comes first. Be Proactive says, “I am in charge of my own life. I am responsible for whether I am happy or sad. I can choose how I react to other people or situations. I am in the driver’s seat.” Young children can easily learn to understand that different choices yield different results. The goal is to teach them to think about those results before they decide what to do.
Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind
Begin With the End in Mind means to think about how you would like something to turn out before you get started. Reading a recipe before cooking or looking at a map before leaving on a trip is beginning with the end in mind. For young children, a good example is that of a jigsaw puzzle. Before doing a puzzle, they look at the cover of the box. They start with the end in mind.
Habit 3: Put First Things First
Put First Things First means to decide what is most important and to take care of that first. Thinking about what needs to be done tomorrow or by the end of the week can be overwhelming, especially for children. Learning to think of which things are the most important and taking care of them first allows children (and adults) to be less stressed.
Habit 4: Think Win-Win
Think Win-Win is the belief that everyone can win. It’s not me or you—it is both of us. It is a belief that there are enough good things for everyone; it is an abundant way of thinking. Think Win-Win is being happy for others when good things happen to them.
Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood means that it is better to listen first and talk second. By taking the time to listen to another person, you reach a higher level of communication…Simply put, we have two ears and one mouth so that we can spend more time listening with the intent to understand.
Habit 6: Synergize
Synergize is when two or more people work together to create a better solution that either would have thought of alone. It’s not your way or my way, but a better way…Synergy is taking good ideas and making them better by working together.
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
Sharpen the Saw means to have balance in your life… Habit 7 reminds us that we are more productive when we are in balance—body, brain, heart and soul. Just like the four tires on a car, if one area is being ignored or overused, the rest will feel the results.
Link for full PDF Leader in Me parent guide and activities: https://www.leaderinme.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/Parents-Guide-English.pdf
Now I know that this blog was packed full of information. I pray you give it a second read to truly understand it! But most of all, I pray that you return to my website to learn more about leadership as it pertains to you but even more so as it pertains to your children. This blog does not have a story attached, but for the next few weeks, you will be in for a treat!
As always, leave a comment about any insight or feedback you gained from this blog, and subscribe below to support my storytelling endeavors!
Much love and thanks for reading,
Justis Ward
Learn about Habit 1 in the next blog:
Learn More @
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/us/states-reopen-map-coronavirus.html : to stay up-to-date on which states are reopening and which are still shut down
https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/transformational-leadership.htm : to read more about transformational leadership
https://www.history.com/topics/civil-rights-movement/black-panthers : to read more about the rise and fall of the Black Panther Party during the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960’s
https://www.blueletterbible.org/kjv/mat/9/1/s_938001 : to read more about Jesus Christ and his ministry in the book of Matthew
https://encyclopedia.ushmm.org/content/en/article/nazi-propaganda : to read more on Nazi propaganda and how it was used to desensitize Germans to genocide
https://www.britannica.com/biography/Mahatma-Gandhi : to read more on the life and impact of Mahatma Gandhi
